Formation and Deformation

I recently discovered that I do not and I will not eschew. To eschew is to reject or avoid. What I discovered (slowly unfolding moments of clarity over the span of an unknown number of discrete days), is that when I transition towards a different state, be it gaseous or prolific, abiding or contentious, there are traces. Colloidal, I'd say. I make use of that which I perceive to no longer belong to me. Though I perceive these "old" elements as antithetical to my newly emergent being, I am discovering I can pervert them; there is a transition from what was once normative. Reconfiguration in expedient ways. But an identity shift is not just the work of knowing. Identity is not just epistemic. It is also material. I use the sonic, a notebook and pen, a computer. And sometimes a white tie. I (re)know and (re)make myself. I pervert myself. I am perverted.